viernes, 23 de agosto de 2013
How to Avoid Awkward Silences With A Woman
I'd like to admit something.
For a long time I did everything I could to AVOID starta conversation with a woman he was attracted to me.
And this was NOT because I was afraid of rejection.
Yes, my fear was that a woman NOT give me back, I throw a drink in his face, and I said "fuck."This is going to sound completely irrational ...
But he had a deep fear ... to success.
My fear was that she actually wanted to talk to me ...
My most overwhelming and immobilizer fear was that the woman had wanted to talk to me ... even worse that demonstrated some attraction to me after I began to speak ...
Why are you so afraid of this?
Because I knew I would disappoint ...
And there is nothing worse than seeing that bit of attraction disappear quickly from the eyes of a woman ...For some reason it feels much worse to lose someone with whom you've spent a short time ... you never go through that point first.
So that's why I avoided talking to women ...
Because I knew I would end up losing ... and that hurt more than ever to speak in the first place ...From what I could not realize was:
Why, with all that he had learned over the years to create attraction in a woman, I always ended up completely ruining some point in the conversation ...
I mean, I knew what to do ...
I knew I should avoid "interview mode".
He knew not to give too many compliments or show interest.
I knew I should try to prove something of value telling stories, flirting, and showing a sense of humor ...
However, the longer the conversation became more like ... completely forget "the rules" and began to say and do things rather sabotaged my success.
And finally just got one of those "ah .. ha "...
They were the dreaded "awkward silences ..."
He had a desperate fear those "awkward silences" and to all I had in my power to avoid them ... and this was killing my game.
From the second I started the conversation ... it was like my mind was telling me "what are you going to say then ..." "Keep talking ..." "Oh no, you're running out of things to say ..."
It was as if he was doing everything humanly possible so exhausted I was NOT talking points ...
And this meant completely abandoning everything he had learned about creating attraction just to keep the conversation.
A simple realization that changed EVERYTHING ...
You make awkward silences ...
In a moment I'll give you two techniques that relieve some of the tension that is created during the silence ...But first I want to make sure you know that the silences are normal. And how you react that determines how it perceives ...
Think about it, you have moments of silence when you talk to your friends, family, or other acquaintances ... and it's completely normal.
In fact, this piece of dialogue from the movie Pulp Fiction sums it up pretty well:
Mia Wallace: Do not you hate that?Vincent: What?Mia: awkward silences. Why do we think it is necessary to talk shit to feel comfortable?Vincent: I do not know. It's a good question.Mia: That's when you know you've found someone special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
So by the very nature of projecting a level of comfort in the silence, use the time for air rather than mourn for nothing, you're changing something that could have been "uncomfortable" to something that shows a deeper level of rapport.
But in the above dialogue ... Mia Wallace uses good technique to relieve the tension created during an awkward silence.Technique # 1: Recognize
Yes, simply recognizing automatically silence break the tension ...
The discomfort is the fact that they both know that they have run out of things to say ...So instead of trying to avoid this, just admit it, and then relieved the situation with humor.Here's an example of something you can say:
"Oh no, an awkward silence! Do not panic, it will pass. "
By doing this, not only aliviaste the situation ... but also demonstrate a lot of social intelligence.
HATE women feel uncomfortable. When you demonstrate the ability to prevent things get uncomfortable, you are showing that you can be sure you will not feel the discomfort level inllevable most men bring with them.Technique # 2: Use it as an opportunity to transition
Most men afraid of these silences ... but once you understand how to use them to your advantage you want to occur.
What most men do when the silence is getting off panic. I try to hide their panic avoiding eye contact, checking their phones, or filling the silence with "boring" questions that only make more obvious the fact that they have nothing else to discuss.
Instead try this:
Use silence as an opportunity to bring the conversation to a more intimate level, or take it to a different place.During the silence, keep eye contact with her, and then begins to speak very slowly then ... say something like:
"So .. what were you thinking? "
"Let's play something I call" the game of the questions. ""
See how these silences allow you to add things to the conversation that you would have been difficult if the two had continued talking trash?
As you begin to discover the little tricks to keep a conversation you begin to realize that it is much easier than you thought to keep a woman interested in talking.
In fact, with the right arsenal of tactics you can hook up with almost any woman you talk, emocionándola with the fact that he finally found someone who not bored to death.